my worst land cruiser adventure:

AK.xplorer

Observer
A buddy of mine had a simple request:
"Hey Michael, would you fly down to Juneau and drive a nice old fj-55 back to Anchorage for me?" "I'll pay for everything, even the ferry from Juneau to Haines".

Without asking for details, I said sure, having briefly reflected on my last "paid-for" trip in an HJ61 that was paid for all the way from Victoria Island back to Alaska, hiking four-diamond trails north of Whisler, meeting a beautiful St'át'imc woman at a tribal gathering in BC, that led to a three day detour full of adventure, and using his money to stay in palaces that had luxurious sit-down showers.

After flying to Juneau, what I found was an fj-55 so rusted out, it didn't have floor boards. Forum member blind cleric can vouche for this. There were all these huge spiders living inside the thing, with a bunch of spare parts and trash all piled to the roof. The breaks didn't work. The wipers didn't work. Every inch of the exhaust had holes in it. The tires were so old, they were all flat and the thing sunk down deep into the dirt from sitting so long, until the differentials were resting under the surface of the ground.

I bought some shtty tires from a tow truck driver, drained the rusty water out of the tank, pulled the carb and partially disassembled it, threw it in a bucket of sea foam overnight, topped off the oil. The tow truck driver helped me remove it from the ground, by lifting the bumpers with his articulating bed. The replacement tires were from the 1970's and were fairly weather cracked.

I jumped into a dumpster behind a construction site nearby and snagged a bunch of dry wall remnants. I crush-fit the drywall into the floor boards. The seats were very close to falling out of the vehicle, so there were some safety concerns.

I hose clamped pieces of licence plates on 8 different holes in the exauhst.

I duck taped cheap blue foam onto the front seat, which was so brittle, the foam turned to dust when you moved the cushion.

After installing the carb, I turned the key..........

I turned the key for a very long time while pumping the gas pedal. After about 2-3 minutes, that 2F was brought to life, it wasn't happy to be brought to life. After a five minute gradual idle under partial choke, the thing idled OK.

Surely this thing wouldn't be safe through Chilkat Pass in late October. After phoning the border before making the trip, I was informed that the winds in the pass were bad, and that the pass had freezing rain and snow for 36 hours. Prior to that conversation, I had just eaten four containers of pelmeni (russian dumplings) slathered in butter. After the conversation, I threw up the dumplings all over the engine compartment from stress, while I was adjusting timing.

more to follow.......
 

Arktikos

Explorer
A very impressive feat, getting that thing running and then driving the Alcan with it. What parts was he after, anyway, and did you guys pay anything at all for it?

Pics, please.
 

AK.xplorer

Observer
The next morning, the pouring rain hadn't stopped, and it was time to drive the thing down a twisty, never ending residential hill, onto the main road, and onto the malaspina ferry roughly 10-15 miles away.

Forum member blind cleric lives up there, I don't know how the heck they get to the main road in the winter, that's sketchy...., he must have hill decent, or brakes.

With the wipers inoperable, I stuck my head out the window and drove down the road, staying at 45 mph. The reaction from early morning commuters in the Junueau area were interesting.

Reactions varied from from each passing driver, some giving me the middle finger, to giving me two thumbs up, to giving me one thumbs up, to laughing uncontrollably, to snickering, to shaking their heads.

By the time I got to the Malaspina ferry, the staff were reluctant to allow the vehicle aboard. Once I told them how much grief I had to overcome just to get there, they allowed me to board. I almost crashed into the loaded cargo, but jammed it into first and killed the motor. with the help of three people, we positioned the fj55 safely in the hull of the ship.

The smell of my vomited Russian dumplings baking onto the engine and exhaust was very prevalent, and I was fairly embarrassed. The staff asked what the smell was, so I told them. Hysterical laughter convinced me that I needed to disappear into the crowed, so left the immediate area for the top of the ship.
 

AK.xplorer

Observer
A very impressive feat, getting that thing running and then driving the Alcan with it. What parts was he after, anyway, and did you guys pay anything at all for it?

Pics, please.

This is the kicker: what parts he was after, I'll save that for last. They didn't tell me until after the fact, after a few weeks of trying to keep my cool and not loose my temper.
 

AK.xplorer

Observer
Sure guys,

The cruise on the Malaspina was glorious.
http://www.dot.state.ak.us/amhs/fleet/malaspina.shtml

I tried to get comfortable, but couldn't get over the nervousness of completing this trip. I have been asked multiple times, to drive old Land Cruisers back to Alaska. I never lost one, nor did I quit. But my gut feeling was telling me to quit this trip.

The heavy, rainy, cold air was really nice and the scenery was remarkable. A few hours later, we ported in Haines. The rain was very heavy, and I was able to get the wipers running at a local mechanic shop. My goal was to make it to Beaver Creek near the border. Due to the holes in the floorboards, combined with the holes in the exhaust, I was getting a steady stream of exhaust in the cab. It was a fine balance of heat, and cracking various windows to find any sort of comfort. I immediately got a head ache from the exhaust, but pushed on.

As I drove toward the border, there were Eagles everywhere along the river. I kept the cruiser at a steady 45 mph in 4th gear. The mesmerizing buzz of the rusty exhaust combined with the musky smell of the moldy, rotting interior was disgusting. As arrived at the border, the Canadian border agent gave me a new report on the roads. He claimed that up in elevation, there were freezing rains. I locked the thing in 4wd, and continued on, at a steady 45 mph. Though the 2F is grossly under-powered in mountain passes in an fj 55, I began to feel a tinge of safety and trust that that familiar Land Cruiser drive train would pull me through.

I told myself that if I can just make it through the pass, it would be all down hill from there.
 
Last edited:

redthies

Renaissance Redneck
At the rate he's posting, it will be next January before this story is over. And the last line will be "and then I woke up and realized it was all a bad dream".
 

GHI

Adventurer
I was thinking the same thing and that would just be cruel. Until then I'll go with his internet connection is 200 miles away up hill both ways and he has to drive the vehicle in question there. So it takes a while.
 

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