THE WANDERERS #14
TWO KINDS OF WHALES IN THE WOODS - PART II OF THE MIAMI SAGA
By Rick Sieman
When we last left Carl and Emma, they had just toured the naval base at Jacksonville, where Carl had once been stationed. Though they enjoyed touring the facility, their departure was dampened when the gate officer snarled at them. You see, Carl had heard on his radio that billions were being made selling coke in Florida, and he thought it meant "Coke." When he told the gate officer he was thinking about heading south and setting up a Coke distributorship with his Navy retirement money, the officer threatened to shoot him. Carl figured the officer was a YooHoo soda man and forgot about it. We join Carl and Emma now as they wander farther south through Florida, headed for Miami.
***
Carl drove slowly south on highway A1A, quite a few miles under the speed limit. A1A wanders along the edge of the Atlantic Ocean, providing enough truly awesome sightseeing to slow most traffic down to gawking speeds.
Carl and Emma drove around St. Augustine and noticed that most of the residents were substantially older than they were. A sign on the road indicated that Marineland was just ahead.
Emma beamed. "Oh, Carl! Look! Marineland. Let's stop!"
"Sure, honeypot. I always wanted to see Mickey Moose and Donny Duck, anyways."
Emma furled her brow. "No dear. It's Micky Mouse and Donald Duck, and they're at Disney world. That's further on down the road. Marineland has all kinds of fish and sea life on display in a giant tank."
"Hey, great! I'll get my fishin' rod and a Louisiana Red Wiggler lure, and maybe we can catch us some supper!"
Emma sighed. "Carl, these fish are for you to look at, not catch."
Carl shook his head. "Then what good is this place? If I just want to look at some fish, I could drop a half stick of dynamite in the lake and watch 'em float to the top."
***
Half an hour later, Carl and Emma were standing with noses pressed against the glass, gaping at the fantastic variety of sea life that swam around in the huge main tank.
Emma was fascinated. "Oooh, Carl. What's that pointy-nosed fish there?"
"That? That's a barracuda. A couple or three of those could make a meal outta you."
Emma pointed again. "And that one over there, with the big fin?"
"Shark, Emma. That's Jaws junior, just like in the movie."
Emma looked up at a strange shape that was floating downward.
"My oh my, what's that, dear? A poisonous jellyfish? A coral reef? A barnacle?"
"Naw, that's a hamburger wrapper some snotty-nosed kid threw in the water from the top deck. Somebody ought to push the little geek into the water."
An hour later, as they were leaving, Carl told Emma to wait for a moment. "Gotta go to the head, honeypot, and relieve some internal hydraulic pressure. Navy talk for goin' to the bathroom."
Emma opened her purse and knitted a bit, not being one to waste time. She was startled by a yell and a splash, followed by loud, terrible screaming. A moment later, Carl came around the corner with an devilish look in his eyes.
"What happened, dear?" asked Emma.
"I think some kid just fell into the tank. Hope the sharks don't git him."
***
They continued south, through Ormond Beach, famed Daytona Beach, then headed inland to Sanford.
"Why Sanford, dear?"
"Hey, I was stationed here for a few months. Worked with Heavy Attack Squadron Seven. They flew A3Js. Figured I'd stop in here and take a tour like we did in Jacksonville."
Emma sighed. "Carl, I don't mind seeing all these naval bases, but will you please take me to Disney World? Pretty please? With sugar on it."
"Jeez, Emma. Don't get sickening about it. I guess if you can put up with me wandering around these old bases, I can put up with Stinker Bell and the Three Bears."
Emma squealed with delight. "Oh, Carl! You've made me a happy camper. I've always wanted to go there. One thing, though ...it's Tinker Bell and she had nothing to do with the Three Bears."
"I knew that, woman. Just checkin' you out to see if you knew
your history."
***
Three hours later, Emma was wiping Carl's face with a damp rag. "I feel terrible, Emma. Guess I shoulda never ate those three Goofy Burgers and that Space Mountain pizza before I went on that ride."
"Think nothin' of it, dear. I can get most of those vomit stains out of your shirt, but I still don't think that man should have called you all those names just because you splattered him in the back of his head."
"Yeah, the guy was a real jerk. Just remind me never to go on that Pirates of the Carribean ride again in my life. "
"I thought you'd like it dear, what with you being in the Navy and all."
"Emma, real ships don't go uphill and downhill like that. Whatever. I'm feeling a little bit better now. Let's get someth-ing to eat before we go on the Small World ride again. I think my stomach can handle that one okay."
***
They left the Orlando area and took the turnpike back to the ocean. As they headed south, they explored some of the sugar-sand back roads.
Eventually, they found a two-track sand road that led to the ocean, and a secluded little area, right next to the water. They parked The Whale under some palm trees and went about the busi¬ness of setting up their off-road camp.
An hour later, Emma had the awning out and the satellite dish up and in position. Lawn chairs were set up close to a folding table, and a few feet from that, the barbecue grill with its coals just starting to turn gray around the edges.
Soon after that, Carl ambled up with a pair of healthy-sized fish on a stringer. Emma beamed. "Oooooh, Carl! You got some fish for supper. What kind are they?"
"Caught. That's what kind. Just cook 'em and put some hot sauce and lemon juice on them. You could make the Yellow Pages taste good with that stuff."
***
A few hours later, Carl and Emma sat back in their chairs and watched the last flickers of sunlight dance on the rippling crests of the waves. They were full and content, and both sipped quietly on a cold can of FrumpMeister beer.
"Carl, isn't this beautiful? It reminds me of when we first used to date. "
"Yeah, that was a long time ago, when you was a lot skinnier and I had a lot more hair."
"Carl, doesn't that give you any ... you know, special ideas? Remember what we did on our honeymoon?"
Carl got a puzzled look on his face, then suddenly his expres¬sion brightened. "How could I be so dumb? Remember that special night on our honeymoon , when I took you to Madison Square Garden to watch wrestling? Well, there's a special on tonight highlight¬ing the last 20 years of WWF Championship Wrestling. Thanks for reminding me, Emma. I almost forgot!"
Emma sighed and followed Carl inside The Whale.
***
The huge Suburban continued south along the ocean, passing through Vero Beach , Fort Pierce and White City. Carl saw a par¬ticularly interesting looking road peeling off to the inland side and guided The Whale down it. "Wonder where this thing goes?"
Emma looked at the thick foliage hanging over the trail. "I don't know, dear. It looks too tight to drive through."
Carl snorted. "Hey, woman, this here is a Suburban powered
by a 454 big block and everything is lashed down on the top with Grade 8 nuts and bolts. You just leave the driving up to me."
Moments later, thumping sounds were coming from the top and sides of The Whale, then a yellowish fluid started dripping down the windshield and side windows. Carl became startled and gassed it harder.
The thumping sound increased and the flow of fluid increased until rivulets ran all down the front and side like miniature waterfalls. Carl turned on the wipers, but it did little to increase his vision. The wipers merely flopped back and forth aimlessly, knocking off fluid and seeds...
"Seeds! Emma, those are seeds on the windshield!"
At that moment, a large yellow object bounced off the wind¬shield and fell to the ground.
Emma sighed. "And that's a grapefruit, Carl. You've just driven through a grapefruit grove and we are covered with juice and seeds!"
A short time later, Carl found a clearing and pulled The Whale to a halt. Flies were already starting to gather, buzzing madly around The Whale. Carl hooked up the hose to the portable 30-gallon water tank, and spent the next hour cleaning the sticky stuff off the paint job, while Emma knitted silently, which seemed like a good idea at the time.
***
Carl fired up the freshly cleaned Whale and said, "Well, let's head back to the main highway again. I've had enough off-roading through fruit salads for one day. Now, which way did we come from?"
Emma pointed. "I think it's that road to the right, dear."
Carl grunted. "Naw, it's gotta be that road to the left."
***
Three hours later, Carl was well and truly lost. He groaned and took a moment to bang his head on the steering wheel six or seven times. After he had finished, Carl said, "Well, at least we got a CB with us. Gimmee that mike, Emma. I'm gonna try to reach someone and get some directions."
Emma handed Carl the mike and turned the CB on for him. Carl cleared his throat and started talking: This here's The Whale. Does anybody copy me?"
He ran through channel after channel, then, much to Emma's amazement, got an answer: "Identify yourself, please."
Carl thumbed the mike. "This here's The Whale and quite frank¬ly, we're lost."
"No problem. Give me a general idea of where you're at."
"Well, we're probably about three miles inland from the high¬way. That damned grapefruit grove I went through sorta screwed up my sense of direction."
"Okay. we'll shoot a red flare up in the air. Head for that. You shouldn't be all that far away. Come back to us as soon as you see the flare, La Ballena."
"S'cuse me? What did you say just now?"
"La Ballena. This is The Whale, isn't it?"
"You bet. Fire away."
Moments later, a red flare popped up, burned quickly and then fell. It was off to the left and surely not more than a quarter of a mile away.
Carl thumbed the mike again. "Gotcha. We saw the flare and are headed in that direction. What should I look for?"
"Just look for the usual stuff, Senor Whale. Guns and air¬planes." A harsh laugh followed.
Carl looked at Emma. Emma looked at Carl. Carl scratched his chin. "Hmmmm. Wonder how he knew we were driving The Whale? Whatever. We'll find out soon enough."
***
Soon enough! Does Carl even have a clue as to what he's driving into? How many people know that a Ballena is "Whale" in Spanish? I don't know about you, but I'm worried about what's going to happen next in the deep, dark woods near Miami.
