Been there...
I appreciate your dilemma and offer the following:
My wheelin' experience started in college when I traded a seriously modded SAAB 99 for a Series III Land Rover 88. I spent the next several years supplementing my income with a series (excuse the pun) of Land Rover projects. I lived in a part of Maine where hard multi-day trips were possible and ultimately, shaped my love for overlanding. My off road experience is a mix of Northern New England and Rocky Mountains, where I still get to wheel on a regular basis.
My rides cover a variety of 4x4 vehicles including: several short wheelbase Rovers, a couple of modded JEEP Cherokees, an '05 Toyota Sequoia, '07 GMC Sierra, a 2010 Tundra double cab, a 2010 Tundra Crewmax Rock Warrior and, as of this month, a 2013 4Runner SR5.
Off road, I never felt as happy as I did driving my 1966 IIA 88... until this month. The 4Runner is interesting to me because after 3000 miles, I am in love with it. I don't typically fall in love, but the 4R is special. My wife drove it for the first week we had it and I asked her how she liked it. Her response" "it isn't a Sequoia". Her all black Sequoia Limited had been a family favorite until we traded it with 100K. I reminded her that the Sequoia had a $49,000 sticker when the original owner bought it in '04 and the 4R had a sticker in the mid 30's... nine years later! That is enough of a delta to notice!
That said, I can feel the off road heritage in the 4R. It has a visceral functionality that I associate with Land Cruiser name before that prestigious marque became synonymous with chilled center consoles and burl wood gas caps. The proportions of the truck are great (right down to the 109" wheelbase) and the power train is perfectly functional if not somewhat industrial. I cant wait to start my build.
I had the Tundras at the same time as the Sequoia. They were the least fuel efficient vehicles I ever owned. I drive 30,000 miles / year and the $100 fill ups were wearing me out. The Sequoia, with its 4.7, looked like a fuel mileage champ at 15 mpg. Don't get me wrong, the Tundra Crewmax has great interior space and gobs of power, BUT, it was a hog. Moreover, as someone who lives in a place where a full sized pickup is the most common vehicle on the road, the Tundra stuck out even here. It was simply too big. I would put the new Sequoia in the same category.
Now having eight years of experience with kids and their gear, we dismissed the FJ out of hand. It is simply too small for our purposes. Getting in and out evoked memories of when our first child was born and our 2-door Tahoe. The Tahoe lasted a week before being traded for a 4-door Cherokee. This ime around, we also looked at the JEEP Unlimited, and while I liked the new powertrain, I was concerned about over the road comfort.
I bought the 4Runner on a whim and have been surprised with how much I like it. The Crewmax was the high-water mark for hauling kids around as the rear seats easily accommodate any imaginable configuration of child car seats and put the little weasels far enough back that they cant kick the back of your seat. Like the CrewMax, the rear seats in the 4R recline and are quite comfortable. If they weren't, we'd hear about it.
My 2013 'runner is a Mag Gray SR5 with convenience group. I added after market leather and seat warmers into the deal for a grand. This week it is getting some Michelin AT/2s and an OME lift with Bilstein shocks. What appeals to me about this platfom is that building it will enhance on-road performance AND off-road performance. When I am ready to take it off the front line, I will be able to build it into a more purpose built off roader.
For my money, the best kid / family friendly off road vehicle is the 4R. Good luck with your decision.