I went back to the parts store after work and managed to get her started but I think it was dumb luck. I tried starting it, just to see if I'd get lucky, no joy. So I unhooked the battery and started pulling the fuse box so I could inspect the cables, not enough slack to lift it out but I made sure the connections for the battery cables were good and tight and bolted everything back together. Just for giggles I tried starting her up and to my bewildered delight the starter kicked over without any problems. This leads me to believe it is in fact a cable issue. Just looking at the ground cable I can tell they're corroded so I'm going to go ahead and make some new cables. I'll probably wire in a new relay as Jay Ayala suggested, just for good measure. I have enough wiring available I will likely also upgrade the alternator cable and all the grounding cables while I'm at it.
I also need to pull the alarm system that was put in at some point. I don't have a key fob for it and it's already been partially removed but I can hear a relay clicking, has to be associated with the alarm from what I can tell and it just annoys the crap out of me.
