First off, I have to agree with those who are incredulous that you'd buy the tires before getting on the lift. By far, the best thing to do is get the lift you want and then choose the tires to go with it.
I have the 4.5" Rough Country kit. It actually netted more lift than I expected, but I feel sure it will fade off some as it gets broken in. Mine came with full leafs and longer lower control arms, but did NOT come with an adjustable track bar - I bought one and added it, as I didn't want to re-drill the mounting hole. I need to get a SYE. The ride is very stiff, but I've heard if you upgrade your shocks you can improve it greatly, so it's on my list. I don't expect it to drive/ride like a car, though, and am fine with not having long arms, etc. I would not hesitate to buy RC stuff again, as I think I got good value for the $$. Since I've never owned any of the other three I can't tell you more than their reputations among those Jeepers I know.
I was running 32s, but opted for 31s when I replaced them last, for cost as well as for being able to find replacements more easily. Knowing how I plan to use it, I would not want to try to fit 32s under a lift much shorter than this - it would certainly involve trimming for me. However, many folks do run that large & larger on short lifts, and trim, and love it. NAXJA has some great writeups on how to do fender trimming that looks "stock" if you take your time.
Certainly, there are benefits to only running 3" - probably will never need an SYE, lower CoG - and in the end, the combination you select should be based around how/where you drive. I will agree with those who have said NO BLOCKS, though. Blocks on an XJ is just asking for axle wrap. Also to echo others - If you get a 3" lift and discover you want more, you can add shackles & a coil spacer to get to 4"-4.5" pretty fast (and cheap). If you get 4.5" right off the bat, you are stuck with being that tall until you can buy other parts. Just some thoughts. Good luck!