I used to say (from my soapbox) that a Jeep doesn't need tires bigger than 31" for normal offroad use. And I ran 31x10.50's on my Jeep for a while when I got it going. It got around fine, but with 4:10 gearing, it was turning fairly high RPM's at 70mph. When the 31's wore out, I replaced them with 285/75R16's. (Don't like wide tires) I didn't notice much difference in braking or accelerating, and it was happier on the highway. It also got around better offroad, but that was probably mostly due to them being mud tires instead of all terrains.
When I moved west, I really noticed the lack of power (my 4.0L has always been a pooch compared to others.) so when the 285's wore out, I replaced them with 255/85's. I don't know that it made much difference in power, but the Jeep certainly drives better, and the ~33x10.50 sized tire is a better fit for what I do with my Jeep. If I only ever wheeled my Jeep, I could certainly see many situations where a bigger tire might be of benefit, but for what I do, it's about as capable as it needs to be, and still entirely streetable.
So I no longer declare that 31's are the biggest tire that you need on a Jeep.
Re-reading your post, it sounds like you're really saying that you're tired of wheeling with people who put big tires on their rigs, and then break stuff. I can tell you it has little to do with tire size, and lots to do with the driver's style and ability. I've seen people break axles with stock size tires, and I've seen people wheel 35's on tiny stock axles for years with no problems. Your suggestion that it's all about the tire size is horribly misguided, IMO.
My favorite soapbox rant is now to complain about people buying expensive wheeling rigs without actually learning any driver skills... And of course they break stuff, roll over, damage the truck and trail, etc. I still believe that it's better to start with a stock rig, and learn to drive it WELL. Then make some mods that will further improve the vehicle's ability, while the driver continues to develop SKILL. Trying to cover a lack of skill with vehicle mods is, to me, the wrong way to go.
And I will say that I still enjoy taking my fairly stock looking Jeep to places that are frequented by much larger, more "built" rigs.