When I turned 16 and got my first license,
my car insurance rate was high because, as we all know, teen boys all are careless, show off dangerous drivers
Then I got married, and thought that would show I had matured and would be thought less reckless because I had a family to think about and support…but
my rates went up because my new wife had had a speeding ticket a few years beforehand.
Then I graduated from college, and moved to a bigger city for my first post-grad job, and thought my rates would go down because I was now a college grad and it’d been years since the wife’s only ticket..But
my rates went up because the bigger city had more people, more cars, and more more accidents.
I was earning more money finally, so I could afford a newer car and bought a brand new truck…and
my rates went up again because I had a more expensive vehicle to insure.
Then I got divorced… and
still my rates went up again, because as we all know, divorced men drink quite heavily and often are angry, aggressive, impaired drivers.
And since I was broke from being divorced, and lost my truck to my ex wife, I bought an older used car…and
my rates went up, because, you know, parts and repair costs are more expensive for older vehicles.
Then I got re-married…and
my rates went up again because now there were two drivers in the family.
Then I moved to another town, but worked in a different one nearby…and
my rates went up because my commute was further than the previous one.
Then I finally retired and my daily mileage greatly shrank…and
my rates still went up because, as we all know, old retired folks have bad vision and slow reflects and are inattentive, bad drivers…
Rates never went down in any of those years…because those dishonest, manipulative insurance scoundrels have pre-set answers for absolutely every event you can imagine that justifies raising rates…
(Then I died…and my wife’s rates went up because, as we all know, grieving widows are dangerously distracted drivers as they struggle to process their loss.

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