i'd agree that keeping it at 4" or under will minimize additional problems and cost with a WJ. you have a 2004 which came with a double cardan front shaft instead of the rzeppa, so you should be able to run a full 4" without a t-case drop.
i'm curious why you are against a long-arm and what problems you had before with one? even if you're not going to rock crawl, a long arm will give you a better on-highway ride at 4", below that it probably doesn't matter. 3" is a hard size to find a good kit for with a WJ, most companies sell either 2" budget boosts or jump to 4" full lift kits. that 3" IRO one seems to be sparse on parts (i'd want at least longer lower front control arms, preferably adjustable ones).
i have always heard good things about IRO, but that's been from people running their long arm kits. definitely don't get their default junky shocks, and the DT shocks aren't much better IMO. i'd personally go with their 4" long arm, upgraded shocks, and try it first without the t-case drop. if you get vibes, drop the t-case - sure it's not ideal, but it's not a deal killer. they make a really nice full belly skid too that works with or without a drop.
OME makes great springs and shocks, but they only make a 1.5" lift for the WJ (
http://www.jeep4x4center.com/old-man-emu-1-5-suspension-lift-kit-heavy-load-omewjhk.html). that rocky road thing is the OME lift plus some spacers and not much more. 4wheel parts also sells the OME, just listed as ARB instead - same thing. i'd get this if you don't want to go to 4".
if you do want more than the 1.5" and are dead set against long arm, IRO makes a short arm 4" which you can upgrade to have adjustable control arms (but for that price i'd get the long arm kit). otherwise, Rough Country makes a very complete looking short arm kit called the 4" X-Series. Rough Country used to have a bad rep but seem to have improved in the past couple years.
having built rigs before i'm sure you know to stay away from Rusty's, and you are also right about Rocky Road getting tons of bad reviews too.