Ok... so I went to TSC and got some Chicago screws. They were in the horse section. And right beside them were some leather pieces that only horse people would know what they're for. But they looked nice, so I bought them (they were like $7-something for the pair). Then off with the old leather hardware, on with the new. I put some leather rectangle reinforcements on the backsides of the straps. And reinforced it with superglue. I am happy with how it turned out. Now I just need to shorten the carrying strap and call it done.
My wife asked me if I was going to put some rhinestones on the bag too. I think she was kidding. But maybe an iron-on patch on the front between the straps....