Lipstick on a Pig: The 10 Don'ts of Vehicle Modifications

[Scott Brady]

While it is easy to say what we think people should do to their vehicles, it is a greater challenge to say what people shouldn't do. This is my (mostly) humorous look at what not to do. . .

The funny thing is that some don'ts should be so obvious that it is shocking when they actually happen intentionally.

However, we also don't want to be a bunch of jerks about it either, and I have a huge tolerance/understanding for individual expression, but there are some things that need to be said. This is especially true when safety is compromised. It is just like with treading lightly. Off-trail impact affects all of us. So does stupid vehicle modifications. The more people that get injured from stinger bumpers and roll-overs on the highway from unsafe suspensions, the more gov. legislation will sneak into our hobby.

So here is my top ten list:

THE 10 DON'TS OF VEHICLE MODIFICATIONS

What would your list be?

Oh, and don't think that I have never violated my own list. I have owned and struggled with CBs, installed lift blocks from Pep Boys and put six lights from Checker on a Thule roof rack. Along the way I have learned a few things and had good friends tell me to take the stuff off - I am better for it. . .

 

[I Leak Oil]

Bumpers and other "armor" as it is now called. Many times less is more. Huge bumpers look the part but most of the time they end up getting caught up on something a smaller bumper or stock bumper would not, especially on the rear.

 

[cruiseroutfit]

Bumpers and other "armor" as it is now called. Many times less is more. Huge bumpers look the part but most of the time they end up getting caught up on something a smaller bumper or stock bumper would not, especially on the rear.

On the flip side a single trip through the deserts in the west and you could have your plastic bumpers in the back seat and the damage they caused to your sheet metal to deal with when you get home. By all means there is 'over-done' but there is a fine mix of tasteful body protection, particularly those that add winch capabilities, jacking points and recovery points. This likely varies greatly by locale too.

Don't buy a CB - It will just prove to be a source of frustration and bad communications. You are better off with smoke signals."

Uh oh, here come the ..........'s

 

[BigAl]

Scott, that is a fun list. Those pics are awesome. What are the cool kids using for communication if not a CB? In a group of 2-6 vehicles traveling off pavement, I still find the CB effective? What am I issing?

 

[I Leak Oil]

By all means there is 'over-done' but there is a fine mix of tasteful body protection, particularly those that add winch capabilities, jacking points and recovery points. This likely varies greatly by locale too.

Oh absolutely! I'm talking about the huge things people put on their truck, the type that look like riot control equipment. You know, the stuff that they came out with in the 70's!

 

[Explorer 1]

Amazing stock vehicles!

When I lead groups out, I am always amazed at how well the guys that have 100% stock vehicles do! More than once after what I considered a fairly difficult climb, I have see these guys with high mileage stock vehicles come right up behind me.



I have often questioned why I spent so much money on all these modifications when 90% of the time the stock vehicles make the grade without help!

Thanks,
Fred
Explorer 1

 

[Scott Brady]

It is just a personal hatred for the CB.

We use HAM radios. The one in my Discovery has 85 watts! 20x more than a CB

 

[BigAl]

What would your list be?

11. Don't have any modifcations done to your truck by an off road specialty shop. Do it your self or leave it alone. When it breaks you must know how to fix it yourself or it should be fixable by any mechanic. I would trust my truck over any vehicle I've seen at SEMA b/c I know I can fix it.

 

[Michael Slade]

It is just a personal hatred for the CB.

We use HAM radios. The one in my Discovery has 85 watts! 20x more than a CB

HAM is great...IF you have it. Problem is, most people don't.

I have found that on any sizable trail run having CB's has proved indispensable. We have a main channel for emergency communication, and a secondary channel for all of the 'banter'. We are strict about it and it has worked wonderfully in the past.

Yes, HAM is superior in all ways except one...how many people have it.

 

[rusty_tlc]

...

I have often questioned why I spent so much money on all these modifications when 90% of the time the stock vehicles make the grade without help!

Thanks,
Fred
Explorer 1

It's that other 10% I worry about.

RE Armor:
I still don't know what to do about this

You never know when Nevada will be invaded by Kangaroos so I keep it just in case.


RE Home Depot Mods;
So I guess a Shop vac snorkel is right out of the question?

 

[rusty_tlc]

HAM is great...IF you have it. Problem is, most people don't.

I have found that on any sizable trail run having CB's has proved indispensable. We have a main channel for emergency communication, and a secondary channel for all of the 'banter'. We are strict about it and it has worked wonderfully in the past.

Yes, HAM is superior in all ways except one...how many people have it.

The HAM guys are trash talking you on 2M, just thought you might want to know. :elkgrin:

 

[2xplore]

RE Home Depot Mods;
So I guess a Shop vac snorkel is right out of the question?

That is awesome. Love the choice of duct tape to match the paint finish. Ingenious!...lol

 

[Metcalf]

I'm gonna get in trouble.....

1-roof racks
2-bumper mounted spare tire/cooler/gascan swing outs
3-too much lift for too little tire
4-big heavy bumpers, especially front ones.
5-roof top tents
6-heavy steel armor over everything
7-snorkels
8-light-duty vehicles that are 6000lbs+
9-rear heavy weight bias
10-TOO much bolt-on stuff....you know who you are!

Ok....I am going to go hide now.....

 

[Scott Brady]

LOL - Super funny shot

 

[rusty_tlc]

LOL - Super funny shot

There is a pretty good story behind it too. A few members here know about it.