Need some advice...Baby on the way...

[XJxplorer]

My fiance found out last week that she is pregnant so now I am faced with a few decisions to make. I am having the hardest time trying to make them!

We currently live in South Lake Tahoe which is an amazing place to live, but the job market here SUCKS.. I manage a snowboard shop and go to school full time. My fiance is Internet Sales Manager at a dealership and also goes to school full time. We both do not make enough money to live comfortably with a baby at the moment here in Tahoe. I want to move somewhere with a better job market and get back into Land Surveying(it's what I used to do).

I have 3 options.

1. Stay in Tahoe, finish my AS here, not make as much money and move somewhere else to finish my BS..

2. Move to Bend OR, get on a survey crew, make more money and have room to move up with the company, BUT face higher school costs. I don't pay a DIME here in CA. They actually pay ME $4500 a year to go to school. I am not sure how the financial aid situation is in Oregon. It's $86 a unit there and here it is only $20. I also hear it's hard to get decent health care in Oregon.

3. Move back to So Cal, closer to family, get in with a survey crew, make more money, and you know the rest.. The only thing is, we dislike southern California VERY much. If we do end up back down there, i know the fiance will not be happy and nor will I. Let alone, the cost of living down there is RIDICULOUS!

I am so torn about what to do. Do I take the safe way out and move to So Cal? Stay Neutral here and not have any opportunities for future employment? Or do what we WANT and move to Bend but also be taking a huge risk with school, distance from family, and health care?

Sorry for the essay, I just need some outside advice here...

 

[chet]

I would say for now take the easy way out. being close to family with a new baby is a HUGE bonus! less driving for visits(you know there will be visits right? ) and they can also take the little tike for a weekend or so during exams etc. to ease the pain. I'm sure not all of Socal is bad is it? Sue lots of people down there for a crappy area! Once the little one is grown a bit or you finish school then move.

Also congrats on the baby! best part of life is creating another one!!

 

[kjp1969]

My fiance found out last week that she is pregnant so now I am faced with a few decisions to make. I am having the hardest time trying to make them!

We currently live in South Lake Tahoe which is an amazing place to live, but the job market here SUCKS.. I manage a snowboard shop and go to school full time. My fiance is Internet Sales Manager at a dealership and also goes to school full time. We both do not make enough money to live comfortably with a baby at the moment here in Tahoe. I want to move somewhere with a better job market and get back into Land Surveying(it's what I used to do).

I have 3 options.

1. Stay in Tahoe, finish my AS here, not make as much money and move somewhere else to finish my BS..

2. Move to Bend OR, get on a survey crew, make more money and have room to move up with the company, BUT face higher school costs. I don't pay a DIME here in CA. They actually pay ME $4500 a year to go to school. I am not sure how the financial aid situation is in Oregon. It's $86 a unit there and here it is only $20. I also hear it's hard to get decent health care in Oregon.

3. Move back to So Cal, closer to family, get in with a survey crew, make more money, and you know the rest.. The only thing is, we dislike southern California VERY much. If we do end up back down there, i know the fiance will not be happy and nor will I. Let alone, the cost of living down there is RIDICULOUS!

I am so torn about what to do. Do I take the safe way out and move to So Cal? Stay Neutral here and not have any opportunities for future employment? Or do what we WANT and move to Bend but also be taking a huge risk with school, distance from family, and health care?

Sorry for the essay, I just need some outside advice here...

You didn't say how long you had left with school, but if that's your goal, I'd stick it out there until you get your degree. I would recommend chasing a few dollars if it means you won't finish school.

When you get your AS, you'll apply to a 4 year school, and that will determine where you move for your BS. Then you'll apply for jobs, which will determine where you live to work, right? At least that's how I did it.

Don't move anywhere that you hate. That will just make you miserable. I've always liked living in the LA area for a bunch of reasons, not the least of which is the sheer number of employers. If you can't find a job in a region with 10 million people, you can't find a job anywhere. But then I'm also addicted to the weather, the scenery, the proximity to stuff, etc.

 

[TheGillz]

to live comfortably with a baby at the moment here in Tahoe

What are your preconceptions of what it will take to live comfortably with a baby? Do you live comfortably now? I have been the sole breadwinner since we had children. We have made significant lifestyle choices that helped with this (no cable tv, small/no car payments, less expensive housing choices, etc.) I went to school and worked full time for a year, my wife is currently going to school full time now that our children are both in school. There are going to have to be sacrifices made, possibly you and yours going to school one at a time?

Children for us were a choice and we were prepared to make these sacrifices. It sounds like this is a bit of a surprise for you, I hope you don't have a dread about it. It truley is a blessing. There will be alot of soul searching that you obviously are already started on, and I will pray wisdom for you.

That being said, look into Boise. Good lower cost college, good job market, beautiful country. Bend is great and we looked into that area young into our marraige, so I can't fault you for wanting to go there.

Also like the previous poster said, family is indespesible with children, or at least like minded friends to swap sitting with, it would be pretty difficult to have a new first child and not know anyone where you live...I would think that would add too much stress. But if you move to boise we'll sit for you!! :wavey:

 

[stevenmd]

Although being close to family is a huge bonus with a newborn but I've got to say that you need to evaluate what it takes to live comfortably. I was a single parent with three boys for six years before I met my wife. Yeah, we went without a few things but it was worth it.

In a few years those sacrifices will be way behind you and you will have a life in a place where you want to live. So my opinion: stay in SLT and work two jobs if you have to and go to school. Money is nice but it is not the "be all to end all." Education does not mean intellect but it does open doors.

 

[calamaridog]

I would do nothing until the baby is born. Just enjoy the experience and keep doing what you are doing. Start figuring out daycare soon though, as waiting lists can be 6 months at good facilities.

 

[mtn-high]

Follow your heart. If you love Tahoe, stay and make it work *however* you must. You may have to give up "going" and "doing" as much..stuff like passing on drinks in the bar and eating all meals @ home...but if you really want to be *there*..you'll make it happen....and in the end..these things aren't going to happen ANYWAY for awhile because of the new arrival.

We had a similar situation 18 years ago here in Vail. We moved in '84..skiied...partied...no kids....you know the gig. In '90 my oldest son came along..and we were faced with the same kinda decision. Move back to the comfort of family...or stay here and sdig ourselves in and see what life tossed @ us...

We stayed...and we had friends in the very same position who didn't. While they are happy on the Front Range they rarely make it to the mountains and in the end..they have the SAME BILLS TO PAY! In fact, they're more in debt than we are because we sacrificed to stay and they moved and got entrenched in a huge mortgage in the city.

If you move you won't go back...plain and simple.

good luck in whatever you decide to do

mtn-high

 

[efuentes]

You guys live so differently, that I feel that I live in Mars.

Small town Mexico seem to me so relaxed in comparison, sure, there are not as many nice things to buy around the corner but we have what we need (Yeah I know, we don't get Diesel Toyotas either).

What we don't have its people relocating for a job every few months and living like strangers without a close friends. My wife and I choose to become a one income family as soon as we had our two children and adjusted to it, I do miss brand new cars, but having lunch with your kids everyday is so much better. Maybe in the States I would be a slacker, but here I am a just a proud father with lots of friends

Just thinking out loud.

Saludos

 

[mtn-high]

It's definitely not a slacker lifestyle to stay-at-home with the kids!

I spoke to "then"....back when we'd yet to *decide to stay* and were waffling and singing "should i stay or should I go?"...just like XJ is.

20 years later..my home is worth 5x what it was in '90 when I was freakin out about selling my dirt bikes and snowmobiles to be able to make the 10% down payment on the house. I didn't say that before for fear of catching ****..but yup..I did and I damn near cried when it happened. Then, not 6 months after moving in I lost my full-time job and went back to seasonal work..same resort environment XJ lives in where service industry jobs rule and the pay generally sucks.

After that..and after seeing the cost of daycare we also went to one income. By cutting back and (gasp) not even having a ski pass I spent 8 years @ home as "mom". After a bit things came around to where we didn't miss the extra income and it was nice having clean clothes and meals cooked rather than dry cleaning and fast food. I did go back to work for about 5 years but the wife was SPOILED with me being home and taking care of "everything" so after that stint I never DID go back to "work" other than to make the wife happy..mow my own yard and fix my own car/house/etc...all of the stuff all of my friends are WORKING DAILY TO PAY FOR. LOL. Stupid schmucks! (did I say that?)

So hey efuentes..you'll hear no slacker talk from this end!

again..good luck XJ. Remember that Life is a long journey..not just tomorrow.

mtn-high

 

[efuentes]

It's definitely not a slacker lifestyle to stay-at-home with the kids!

Actually my wife won the bet and she got to stay , I have been at work ever since

 

[XJxplorer]

Thanks for all the advice guys... Some good stuff..

I guess I should have stated that other than the baby, finishing school is my biggest priority. That degree will help pave the way for our family.

I realize that babies aren't really that expensive as long as you have good health care. They are just more time consuming than anything. And I guess having family around would be a HUGE help with that.. My mother is retired and actually used to own a day care business.. I think she is happier about the baby than I am! She loves kids.

 

[stevenmd]

I realize that babies aren't really that expensive as long as you have good health care.

:hehe: :violent-smiley-031: ...let me hear you say that after the first year...:elkgrin: LOL... buy stuff used off of eBay and CL. My wife used to sell Brooklyn's old clothes on eBay and then turn around and buy her current clothes with the money she made that day.

*Start buying little things cheap at garage sales, stuff that is easy to ship and then sell it on eBay. My wife did that when she was at home the last months of the pregnancy and the first few months after the baby was born. Some months she made over $600!!

 

[maximumrob]

My fiance found out last week that she is pregnant so now I am faced with a few decisions to make. I am having the hardest time trying to make them!

We currently live in South Lake Tahoe which is an amazing place to live, but the job market here SUCKS.. I

We just had a baby girl 4 mos ago. Congrats to you! It will change all your priorities for the better. I haven't taken any fun trips or shot my guns and haven't worked out (near as much) and eat less healthy, but none of it matters when my little girl smiles at me.

If you can handle being away from the family, North Texas is about as good as it gets for job opportunities and affordable living. There are 6M people between Dallas and Fort Worth and the 'burbs, and we're not built on just one or two industries. The housing market rocks...I spent less than $200k on a 3/2/2 close to work in a top school district and it's not a fixer-upper. White collar salaries are on par with most of the upper Midwest at half the cost of living. Our salaries aren't terribly far off the West Coast either at maybe 1/3 the cost of living.

My wife was able to quit her corporate job to stay at home because our finances and debt are under control. We're living check-to-check now, but are doing well without making huge sacrifices. I can't imagine anywhere else in the country where that might be possible.

The downside to North Texas? It ain't pretty and it takes at least 3 hours of driving to get somewhere pretty. Good thing is, rural OK is north, AR is just over the line, Central Texas is gorgeous, and the vast expanses and mountains of West Texas are within a day's drive. The Rockies are 1.5 days away.


Good luck. The kid is worth whatever choice you make.



.

 

[UK4X4]

Having a baby is a huge comitment.....

If your happy where you are.....stay

You'll have enough issues to deal with without being unhappy where you live, work etc.

Financial issues will need thought, take time out.....check on who out of the two of you will be the best provider sooner.

Your plans don't have to change, maybe just be delayed a while, either way one of you will need to take a school / work break, untill the babe is old enough for school., maybe both of you may have to shelf school for a while.

In a lifetime...4 years is nothing, and that time spent bonding with your little one is worth thousands.

School will be always there.....being a house dad if required is not a bad thing
you'll just have to adjust to being

"That dude with the pram"

Personally I've never really felt ready for having a baby, at 41 I had to make that decision....

either now or never, even now I'll probably be closer to zimmer frames than I want when my daughters 21.

I don't have the finacial worries, but it was still a major decision for me too.

One I faced more times than I care to admit, I have a 13 year old daughter in the UK I've seen once since she was 3, and a son Jack some where in South East Asia, of whom I only saw 1 photo.

One thing I learnt, its mummies body and her decisions are final, we can advise and help, but at the end of the day, be only observers.

If they are born, its what you make it......

 

[Rexsname]

Do not move towards unhappiness!! If you like the area you live in stay there. Yes, having family nearby will make things easier. But things will not be easy if you are unhappy. If one of you is unhappy it will bring the other one down as well. This is an exciting time in your lives. Soak up every moment and cherish it. She will be going through some amazing, challenging, stressful, scarey changes in the next few months. Some of them will be extra super cool and some of them will be no fun at all.

The e-bay advice was sound, it's a way to supplement both of your incomes.

REX