Family "Planning"?

[LaOutbackTrail]

So, ahem, my wife and I were discussing the idea of having another child (start working at it in a few months...). I know, none of your business, right? Well, I just wanted to see what the discussion could lead to...

Our reasons? Well, we have a 3 year old (she'll be 4 in May) and we dont want her to grow up alone, and we dont want to wait till she is older. In other words, we want to get the job done so that the two kids will be similar in age. Our daughter was unplanned and for the lack of a better word, an accident on our part.

So am I the only one in this boat? Are we crazy? I see a bigger rig in the future.

 

[alosix]

No exp on the family planning.

I can say my sis and I are 5 years apart and we got/get along pretty well most of the time.

Not much to add I know, but the age separation you're planning on has worked out well at least 1 case

Jason

 

[wanderer-rrorc]

having had this EXACT discussion this time last year....

our daughter turned 6 the end of november...and the TWINS were born the first weekend in dec....

we had talked about the fact that the kiddo wasnt gettin younger and we wanted her to bond with her younger sibling...

we also talked about just one more or maybe even 2..decided we'd take it one at a time...and somebody decided to change our plans...:Wow1::drool:

but we know that we are DONE at a total of 3...(closed up the factory..and closing the billing offices JUST TO MAKE SURE!!:victory: )

our 6yr old LOVES them...and she's been partialy independant for the last year (gets herself a snack when she wants one...dresses herself..picks out her own activities if she's bored...)...

and she is SO MUCH WONDERFUL HELP with the twins!!....her ability to help out so much was underestimated...other than not trusting her to carry them around...and we dont let her make bottles (incase its too hot)....but helping to play with them..keep an eye on them and even just keep them all entertained is a godsend!

 

[LaOutbackTrail]

Not much to add I know, but the age separation you're planning on has worked out well at least 1 case

Jason

Good to hear. I guess I could have explained my reasoning... My parents had three boys. 7 years between the oldest two and 10 years between my middle brother and I. My dad worked out of town about 90% of my childhood and at 16, my middle brother started working with my dad. My oldest brother moved out when he was 17 (ie. when I was born) and is for the worse part, trash. I only socialize with my oldest brother and his family during Christmas.
So, for the most part of my formidable years, werent spent bonding with my brothers, but playing tromping in the woods alone, wrecking my 3wheeler, shooting birds with my red rider BB gun. Productive youth I know. Not once did I play any sports or join the boy scouts like I really wanted. It sucked!

On the other hand, my wife's family has 5 kids all spaced pretty evenly. Biggest gap being 7 years. But their family is extremely close and they all play sports and actually play together. My wife and I dont want five kids though, I think 2 is plenty, and the earth probably agrees!

If we have another, we are hoping for a boy.... but I'm ok with another little girl!

 

[elmo_4_vt]

My son is 16 months and we're going through some of the same discussions... The only additional issue we face is that my wife got very sick during her pregnancy and had to spend a week in the hospital at two different times while she was pregnant, and one more just after birth, and has now been diagnosed with Crohns. She had to have a foot of bowl removed because of the disease, and now is on a bunch of drugs to help keep it at bay, and she can't keep on these, preferred drugs during pregnancy. Our son also had some issues during birth. So our decision has to be around whether it's worth all of the risks associated with having another, both to the child (because of drugs that she'll have to stay on), and to the wife because apparrently the hormone changes sent her body into fits.

In the end we keep coming back to the reasons you stated... Having a sibling is something my wife and I both appreciate, and we both get along with ours very well.

Tough decision for us...

-

 

[stevenmd]

Where to begin... I am the oldest of three with two younger sisters. My wife and I have five kids - 4 boys (ages 1, 8, 10, & 15) and 1 girl (age 3). Five kids limits vehicle choice but I wouldn't change a thing! Saving up right now for either a 4x4 van or an Excursion to hold all of us plus some gear.

Kids are awesome! Never a dull moment, that's for sure. I think planning and travel would be easier (and cheaper) with 2 or 3 kids than 5 but it's too late for that!

 

[R_Lefebvre]

My brother and I were only 18 months apart, and were very close. My sister is 7 years younger than me, and we didn't have a close relationship at all. Of course, me being the middle child, and her the "baby", that's not at all uncommon.

My son was almost 4 when our daughter was born, so they will be reasonably close. I like this scenario, as we hope that our boy will grow up to be the "protector" of our daughter.

When we got married, my wife wanted 4 kids, and I said 2, so we agreed to compromise on 3. But out son is a very difficult child, and actually I didn't want to have any more. I lost that battle, so we agreed on just one more. Now our daughter is a really good baby, and I'd even consider having another, if not for the financial situation, etc. That's the thing about kids. You never know what you're going to get.

My wife has 2 younger daughters, 5 years between each, so her youngest sister is 10 years younger. She's really close with both of them. There really is no rhyme or reason to how these things work out.

 

[BIGdaddy]

We have 3 kids, and honestly love the choice to keep them close in age, as they are very close to each other.

There's never going to be a "best" time for kids. We had our first when I was not working and in school for my masters. Having "many" kids is the toughest, most challenging decision I've made, but they are SO worth it. They are my world. They are my friends, and I wouldn't change my decisions for anything.

The big decision is whether we're done having kids or not. Financially, we're more stable than we've ever been, even though we don't make all that much (by socal standards) right now. Our budget is pretty much maxed out, but we have been repeatedly blessed with solutions to every hurdle we come up against.

Who knows, maybe number four and five are still coming. The fact is: we make beautiful, smart, healthy kids. Some people can't make any ...

we very much don't want to waste God's will by worrying about money or "what-ifs", cuz our hard work(we both work full-time) is continually met with resources to take care of all the kids we've decided to have.

I'd encourage you guys to talk openly about kids with respect to money, time, space, and especially in terms of your faith or belief system. There's been some very lean/hard times for us in the past 5 years, and honestly, the only thing that got us through was our faith that we sought His will before deciding on kids and that His will was being done, in our lives.

That's my perspective anyways!

Regards,
Brian

 

[Martinjmpr]

I don't have any kids myself, but I have two natural siblings and one adopted. My brother is a year older and my sister is about a year and a half younger. That's how they did it back then, 1, 2, 3 and done! We were all one grade apart in school, too.

I'm pretty close to my siblings, in fact my brother is probably my best friend (and I was the best man at his wedding.) I know a lot of people who don't get along with their siblings (my wife, for example, comes from a huge family with 8 kids and she only communicates regularly with one of her brothers. In fact, her sister lives about 6 blocks from us and I've never met her even though I've been with my wife for 4 1/2 years.) But, honestly, I kind of feel sorry for only children. There's a bond between siblings that you can't get with even the closest "best friend."

So I salute your decision to have more kids. In fact, I applaud anybody who has kids as long as they have the ability to care for them and the commitment to raise them as good, honorable citizens. Parents have one of the toughest and most thankless jobs in the world - the job of raising the next generation of Americans (or Canadians, or whatever.)

 

[Superu]

Our 3 boys are 10, 8 and 5 and the spacing seems to work out very well for us.

We knew from the start that we wanted at least 3 kids. I grew up the youngest of 4 and the only boy but am fortunate to have great relationships with my sisters, parents and in-laws. When I came along, they were 2, 4 & 5.

To the earlier comments on limited vehicle choices with bigger families; we ended up going Suburban to handle the five of us plus the extra large greyhound! No regrets.

 

[Mr. Leary]

The biggest adjustment you and your wife have made is to the stage of parents. I think you will find that the transition from parents to parents of more than one is not nearly as big a jump as the last. I say go for it! The world could use more children brought up by intelligent, worldly folks, such as you and your wife.

I already know what my regret will be. By the time The_Mrs. and I start our brood, we will be old enough that our children will never see us in our prime. We will be on the downside of the slope by the time they are old enough to appreciate us as people rather than parents.

 

[earthmuffin]

Our 5th is on the way in approx 3 weeks.

We have 2 boys, 10 and almost 8.
We have 2 girls, almost 5 and 2.

The girls are the best of friends and so are the boys. I wouldn't have it any other way. We don't know what flavor the new one is gonna be, but at this point it doesn't matter, either one is going to be fine.

As far as slowing you down, I am convinced that age is what slows people down, not kids. People just use the kids as an excuse. Everyone of my kids is usually begging to go at any given moment. We still hunt, fish, hike, bike, camp, backpack, etc. It just requires a little more planning, and as you mentioned, a little bigger vehicle. My new expo rig is a suburban.....seats 9 and hauls a bunch of crap.

There is nothing better than sharing the things that you love with your kids and teaching them new things.

 

[Martinjmpr]

I already know what my regret will be. By the time The_Mrs. and I start our brood, we will be old enough that our children will never see us in our prime. We will be on the downside of the slope by the time they are old enough to appreciate us as people rather than parents.

That's actually one of the reasons I decided not to have kids. When I was in my 30's I thought it would be great but it just didn't work out for me (active military and then college, no stable relationships/marriage.)

By the time I got into my early 40's I did the math and figured that I had no desire to be going to my kids high school graduation at the age of 60, nor did I have the desire to be butting heads with an unruly teenager at the age of 55.

My wife had her kids early with her first husband, they're now grown up (youngest is 24) so I get to have fun with the grandchildren (well, there's only one now) but without having to have had the struggles with the kids.

Of course my wife constantly reminds me of how easy I've had it. :sombrero:

 

[R_Lefebvre]

The biggest adjustment you and your wife have made is to the stage of parents. I think you will find that the transition from parents to parents of more than one is not nearly as big a jump as the last. I say go for it! The world could use more children brought up by intelligent, worldly folks, such as you and your wife.

Absolutely, the second one is definitely easier.

 

[The Adam Blaster]

The biggest adjustment you and your wife have made is to the stage of parents. I think you will find that the transition from parents to parents of more than one is not nearly as big a jump as the last.

I totally agree with this statement. Once you get good at raising the first, the second is bound to be a bit less confusing.

I already know what my regret will be. By the time The_Mrs. and I start our brood, we will be old enough that our children will never see us in our prime. We will be on the downside of the slope by the time they are old enough to appreciate us as people rather than parents.

My wife and I have a little boy, not quite 2 years old.
We're planning on 2 more, just have to get the timing down. There were no health issues during the first pregnancy, other than she would experience these brutal cramping episodes a few times a week. Painful, but temporary. (Not the easiest for me to deal with cause all I could do is sit there and watch...)

In both my wife's and my family, we had 2 siblings, she had an older sister by 2 years, and a younger sister by 5 years.
My wife gets along really well with both sisters, they are all bery close, and close with their mom. (Call each other several times a week, if not every day.)
I had an older brother by 2 years, and a younger sister by 2.5 years.
I was closer to my brother when we were little, but by age 10, I began to resent him, he was pretty bossy. (And still is as he pushes 40. lol)
My sister and I always fought as little kids, she would goad m into yelling at, or smacking her and of course go tattle to mom.
I wouldn't say that I dislike my bother and sister, we are very civil when we get together, and it's getting better as we get older. But, I'm not overly upset I live 2000+ miles away from them, because they are both still able to push my buttons if we are together more than a day.
We all have kids now, and I will talk to both of them about once a month or so. Before our kids started showing up, I could easily go a year without talking to either of them, and I wouldn't miss them at all.
Now, I mostly want my son to have a good relationship with his uncles and aunts, and his cousins.

So, to answer the OP's actual question on "timing your kids" so they actually get along, I don't have a clue. :xxrotflma