My Wandering Soul
- Thread starter Streakerfreak
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Streakerfreak
Jan-Kee
I'm not 100% sure if I will even make it down there to spend time. I want to. It looks like my best option right now is to help Overland Journal get ready for OVX. Hitch a ride on one of the trucks going down, help with set up and then camp in a tent. Afterwards I may just fly/bus/train to Helena which would be much cheaper than driving. As far as the Cruiser is conserned I will put it up for sale. Should it not sell in time I will find some place to store it and sell it from a distance. I will deal with transportation in Montana when I get there. The issue of course is my gear, most of which I cannot get rid of as its been handed down to me and means a lot to me. Some of course I can, but there is not enough to get rid of to make transporting my stuff up to Helena.
I'm just thinking of options right now so this is not set in stone.
Lost Canadian
Expedition Leader
Phil, ideally, what is your ultimate goal? Where is you want to be and what is it you want to be doing? I certainly applaud your enthusiasm and desire for change, but desire is nothing without vision. Surely you must have something in mind, I doubt you went all the way to Arizona with nothing more then a hope and a prayer. So what is it? Actually it doesn't matter, all that matters is you know what it is. My only advice would be that what ever it is, do only that which gets you to where it is you want/need to be. Everything else is wasted motion so to speak. Take the straightest most direct path to your goal(s) and don't deviate.
I think any frustration people have expressed with some of your choices have arisen not because you lack desire or courage, but because your focus seems split between what will get you to where you should be to make your life better, and some things you want/desire now, i.e. some great soul searching journey across country. I know it means very little now seeing that it's hindsight, but perhaps what I say could help provide you with some added foresight for the future.
Looking back, I think your best course of action would have been to sell everything you didn't need before you left, including the cruiser, taken some of that money and put it toward a cheap bus ticket to AZ. Obviously that didn't happen so I won't dwell on it. But from here though I'd say do whatever it is that you need to do AZ, network and such, sell your cruiser, and when you're done doing what it is you're doing, jump on a bus to Montana and get to work. A bus is your cheapest most direct option. When you're in Monatna you can settle in with a steady job and only at that point would I even think about picking up a cheap set of wheels to get around in. I know it's not the most romantic of journeys but it doesn't sound as though you can be frivolous with the choices you make. Remember, know what it is you want, take the straight path to it, and don't deviate from that path no matter what temptations you come across.
Good luck dude, I'm cheering ya on!
I think any frustration people have expressed with some of your choices have arisen not because you lack desire or courage, but because your focus seems split between what will get you to where you should be to make your life better, and some things you want/desire now, i.e. some great soul searching journey across country. I know it means very little now seeing that it's hindsight, but perhaps what I say could help provide you with some added foresight for the future.
Looking back, I think your best course of action would have been to sell everything you didn't need before you left, including the cruiser, taken some of that money and put it toward a cheap bus ticket to AZ. Obviously that didn't happen so I won't dwell on it. But from here though I'd say do whatever it is that you need to do AZ, network and such, sell your cruiser, and when you're done doing what it is you're doing, jump on a bus to Montana and get to work. A bus is your cheapest most direct option. When you're in Monatna you can settle in with a steady job and only at that point would I even think about picking up a cheap set of wheels to get around in. I know it's not the most romantic of journeys but it doesn't sound as though you can be frivolous with the choices you make. Remember, know what it is you want, take the straight path to it, and don't deviate from that path no matter what temptations you come across.
Good luck dude, I'm cheering ya on!
Basement Yeti
Explorer
Hey man, glad to see things are finally working out in your favorite. Keep on keeping on.
goldenbeagle
Adventurer
I am starting to see smoke....smoke means some real thinking...keep it up. You will figure something out.
Just remember...and this will probably be the best advice you will ever receive..."Don't eat the white jerky (aka the white packet in a bag of beef jerky)" ha.
Streakerfreak
Jan-Kee
A little info on myself.
I have only been content with life a few times. The 3 months I spent on a tall ship, my wedding day (I am a hopeless romantic), when I was actually achieving something with my photography (I fell behind when Digital became the norm), and anytime I get to poke around historical sites, ruins, battlefields, and when I am knee deep in historical research. I don't know what I really want anymore and I don't know what to do. I'm just trying something because I have failed with everything else in life.
I am someone who always has to be on the move and I have always been restless. I have my own issues I battle with everyday. My learning disabilty for one. It requires me to work 10 times harder and longer than others and it drives me insane. Anyone who spends time with me will notice I twitch a lot and that I am uncomfortable in my own skin. I often sound dumb when I talk, but I just can never get what's in my head out.
I don't know if this helps you understand me a bit more, but there it is.
I have only been content with life a few times. The 3 months I spent on a tall ship, my wedding day (I am a hopeless romantic), when I was actually achieving something with my photography (I fell behind when Digital became the norm), and anytime I get to poke around historical sites, ruins, battlefields, and when I am knee deep in historical research. I don't know what I really want anymore and I don't know what to do. I'm just trying something because I have failed with everything else in life.
I am someone who always has to be on the move and I have always been restless. I have my own issues I battle with everyday. My learning disabilty for one. It requires me to work 10 times harder and longer than others and it drives me insane. Anyone who spends time with me will notice I twitch a lot and that I am uncomfortable in my own skin. I often sound dumb when I talk, but I just can never get what's in my head out.
I don't know if this helps you understand me a bit more, but there it is.
Streakerfreak
Jan-Kee
When I was driving through Oklahoma I wa not looking when I grabbed a few pieces out of the bag and low and behold I started to chew on the white packet, lol. Too funny that you actually said that.
Lost Canadian
Expedition Leader
Phil, no offence dude, but if this was an interview you just depicted yourself as a pessimist wrapped up in excuse, and I don't believe that's who you really are. Let's try this and pretend I'm interviewing you for a job.
1) Tell me about yourself.
2) Do you consider yourself successful?
3) What have you done to improve yourself in the last year?
4) Explain how you would be an asset to our organization?
5) Why should we hire you?
6) What is your greatest strength?
7) What motivates you to do your best?
I think you get the point. You are and will always be what you believe yourself to be. Focus on your positives and what you have going for you.
Dave Bennett
Adventurist
Playing the victim and accepting BS labels like "learning disability" or "dumb" is a vicious cycle of self defeating negative energy that only has power over you if you accept it. Reject that crap and stop telling it to yourself!
Time to man up with a can-do attitude and stop feeling sorry for yourself. If you don't believe in yourself a potential employer sure won't either... self doubt and indecisiveness are a dead end.
(this is what I would tell a brother so don't take it the wrong way, you need a thick skin to succeed in life)
Time to man up with a can-do attitude and stop feeling sorry for yourself. If you don't believe in yourself a potential employer sure won't either... self doubt and indecisiveness are a dead end.
(this is what I would tell a brother so don't take it the wrong way, you need a thick skin to succeed in life)
Streakerfreak
Jan-Kee
The learning disabilty is not a bs label. This is fact. I never said I was dumb. I know I am not, but often people think I am and I always love to prove them wrong. I do believe in myself, I'm just lost at the moment and flat out do not know what to do anymore. I want to be able to latch on to something thats going to awaken my soul, dig my heals in and work my *** off everyday, but I don't know with what anymore. That's my problem right now. No freakin clue.
Dave Bennett
Adventurist
Really?
IMHO it is a BS label. A BS label that society has foisted upon you, that somebody "diagnosed" along the way. Seriously, just saying it/thinking it is a crutch, you need to let go of that.
Dont let the past decide your future. YOU decide who/what you will be. No one else.
tdesanto
Expedition Leader
I hear you. The how is the easy part once you figure out the what. Figuring out what you want out of life is much harder. Once you get that down, it's just logistics after that.
Trevor's advice is good too, once you've figured out the what. Again, that's the hard part.
Keep asking the questions and searching...it will come to you eventually.
Streakerfreak has asked me to republish the thread and post this final message:
"Thank you all for any concerns, opinions, and advice. Scott Brady and the team have been kind enough to put me to work which is what I want right now. This thread was this lingering storm cloud over my head and was affecting my work ethic. The current project I am working on should have been done a day ago. I had to get rid of the negativity holding me down in order to successfully complete my task. I did not want to let them down or bring them any harsh PR.
I started my trip thread with the intent to share my personal experience of taking a drastic measure to restart my life in a better direction even when the odds were against me. I wanted to do this on my own. I wish it did not turn out how it did, but I still am very grateful for the help and advice. Like all advice I can't take it all and have to decide what will work the best for the current situation. Sometimes I choose wrong, sometimes I choose right.
I would have never started this thread on any other forum. Over the years the Expedition Portal members here have become close friends and almost like a second family to me. I have met many of you and I cherish the times spent with all of you. It is why I felt comfortable sharing a journey this personal with you. I know my faults and my strengths and I openly shared them with all of you. I never use my faults and weaknesses as a crutch though and work my butt off trying to overcome them.
I'm sorry for any misunderstanding, negativity, and mistakes on my part.
Thank you all.
Phil "
"Thank you all for any concerns, opinions, and advice. Scott Brady and the team have been kind enough to put me to work which is what I want right now. This thread was this lingering storm cloud over my head and was affecting my work ethic. The current project I am working on should have been done a day ago. I had to get rid of the negativity holding me down in order to successfully complete my task. I did not want to let them down or bring them any harsh PR.
I started my trip thread with the intent to share my personal experience of taking a drastic measure to restart my life in a better direction even when the odds were against me. I wanted to do this on my own. I wish it did not turn out how it did, but I still am very grateful for the help and advice. Like all advice I can't take it all and have to decide what will work the best for the current situation. Sometimes I choose wrong, sometimes I choose right.
I would have never started this thread on any other forum. Over the years the Expedition Portal members here have become close friends and almost like a second family to me. I have met many of you and I cherish the times spent with all of you. It is why I felt comfortable sharing a journey this personal with you. I know my faults and my strengths and I openly shared them with all of you. I never use my faults and weaknesses as a crutch though and work my butt off trying to overcome them.
I'm sorry for any misunderstanding, negativity, and mistakes on my part.
Thank you all.
Phil "
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